Hear My Battle Cry

Have you ever wondered how battles from the American Civil War might have gone differently, were you in command? No? Well, that is a sort of specific thing to wonder. But if you’re wondering now, try the game Battle Cry!

Battle Cry has a number of battles you can play, setting up the board with appropriate troop starting places and terrain tiles for each. The terrains all have slightly different effects — if you move into the woods, for example, that unit can’t battle or move further that turn, but anyone attacking a unit in the woods gets 1 less battle die to attack with.

What are battle dice? Well, let me back up and explain the units, first. There’s infantry, which can move one space per turn and battle; cavalry, which can move three spaces per turn and battle; and artillery, which can move one space per turn or battle. There’s also generals, who can attach themselves to a unit to give the unit an extra battle die when attacking.

So… what are battle dice? Well, when a unit attacks, you roll battle dice to determine how many enemy pieces they hit. Each die has five symbols — infantry, cavalry, artillery, crossed swords, and a flag, with infantry appearing twice. For each roll that matches the enemy unit, you remove one piece. Crossed swords counts as a wild die, and a flag forces the enemy unit to retreat one space back towards their side of the board (or be eliminated, if they have nowhere to run). The amount of dice you roll on an attack is determined by what kind of unit you’re attacking with, and how far away the target is. Cavalry have three battle dice, but can only attack from an adjacent hex. Infantry and artillery have longer ranges, four and five respectively, but decrease in battle dice the further away the enemy is. So, for example, if I used an infantry unit to attack a cavalry unit adjacent to them, I’d get to roll four dice — if, however, the cavalry I was attacking were three hexes away, I’d only get to roll two. The target also has to be within line of sight, which means that a straight line between the centers of the two hexes must be unobstructed by any other units or terrain that would impede it (hills, for example).

The units you can move/battle with (order) on a given turn are determined by cards. How many cards you have in hand depends on the map you’re playing, but in every case you play first, resolve, and then draw at the end of your turn. Cards can have fairly small effects, like “order 1 unit or general on the left flank” (the board is split into two flanks and the center), or significantly larger movements, like how Mom opened our last two games: All Out Assault, which lets you order every unit you have. Yeah, sweet initial draw, right? For the record, I still won the second of those games.

You win the game by being the first player to capture six flags — each unit has one, as does each general, and it’s the last piece of the unit to fall.

Battle Cry is a fun two-player game, balancing the strategy of battle with the luck of the draw and the dice, and providing an accompanying history lesson for each map you play.

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Burn In Hell

No, no, I’m not being rude or mean, and I’m not shouting at anyone today, I promise. That’s just the name of the game! That’s right, Burn In Hell is an actual game, and it’s loads of fun!

In Burn In Hell, you’re Demon princes (or princesses) fighting over the souls in the “Permanent Pitchfork Party.” The deck is made up of notable souls from throughout history — dictators, tycoons, serial killers, etc. Each card has their name (of course), an illustration, a biography (on the back), and actual mechanics-relevant material. These include their special ability, if applicable, and a number of categories: the value of the card, the “tags” (dictator, tycoon, serial killer, etc.), and however many of the Seven Deadly Sins apply.

It is with these traits that you match up groups, “Circles,” of four or more souls to score points. The mechanics for getting there are complicated, involving roundly sacrifices to the Pit, trading with the Pit, trading with other players, burning souls, and incredibly complicated multi-trade maneuvers, but basically, you’re trying to get groups of cards that either all share at least one trait (bonus points for more) or represent the Seven Deadly Sins, one each. The value of the cards involved, combined with the combo bonuses, along with any special pairings (some people who had met in life give you extra points if they end up in circles together) are added to your score.

While it’s important to make Circles wisely, you also need to make them quickly — the value of the cards sacrificed to the Pit each turn determine how much colder Hell gets, and the game ends when Hell freezes over. If you don’t watch the temperature, you could end up losing by a turn to your mother, and having to listen to her bemoan the irony in her winning score of 665.

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Chrononauts — But Bigger

I’ve already written about Chrononauts — a fun game of time travel, artifact collection, and screwing with timelines. But now, I’d like to introduce you to ÜberChrononauts: the ambitious combination of original Chrononauts with its prequel, Early American Chrononauts. In other words, twice the timeline, twice the cards, twice the chaos!

So what’s different? Well, besides having mixed both decks for fun variety, the end of the game is a bit different. In either game on its own, you win by completing your (one) mission, returning to the timeline of your (one) ID, or getting ten cards in hand. In ÜberChrononauts, you need to complete one of your (two) missions, one of your (two) IDs, and get ten cards in hand. Not all at once, of course, once you’ve completed one of those objectives you mark it as complete, without worrying about keeping the criteria for it intact. That would be even more confusing. Yikes. Also, rather than 13 paradoxes blowing up the universe, those 13 have to be in four consecutive rows.

Worried about sorting the two decks back out once it’s over? Don’t be! While the backs of the cards are the same, all of the Early American cards (except the timeline) have a little star in one of the top corners. The timeline is set off by, rather than the original’s coordinates of A-D, having designations of W, X, Y, and Z, allowing the few intermixed dates in the middle of the map to be returned to their own decks with no hassle.

All in all, it’s a longer, more complicated version of a brilliantly fun game. So, if you’ve got the time and the dedication to your many missions, play some ÜberChrononauts for some ÜberChaos!

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We’re On Tour!

Now, wait, don’t get too excited, I’m not actually going on tour. Rather, I’m talking about a game called On Tour, in which you’re musicians trying to plan a tour to hit as many states as you can. It’s like 10 Days In The USA, right? Well, no.

On Tour board game with most of the locations filled in

For starters, it’s played on an erasable board with dry erase markers, but that’s not all. You see, in On Tour, you can only go to adjacent states in a given move. You’re also not going to only ten states, you’re going to as many as you can. And where you’re going isn’t based off of the color on the board, nor on adjacency alone, it’s also based on numbers. “What have numbers got to do with this,” you ask? Let me explain.

Each round, you flip over three state cards, and roll a pair of dice. You’ll get two numbers from the dice, once with the first die in the tens digit and the second in the ones, and one vice versa. For instance, if you roll a 2 and a 6, one of your numbers will be 26, and one will be 62. You then put each number in a state within at least one of the regions of the flipped cards, or, if you roll doubles, you put a star on one state in the available regions instead, which serves as a wild number. You can circle the number/star if you put it in one of the states you flipped, and not just the region. Eventually, every state will have a number or a star.

When finalizing the tour route, you can only go to a state of equal or greater numerical value to the one before it, so the game is a challenge of lining up the numbers in a manner that allows the most states without spreading them out so far that a stray number blocks the path. You also get bonus points for each circled state you visit, so try to incorporate as many of those as you can!

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Welcome To Catan!

I’ve mentioned Kids of Catan before, but it was recently brought to my attention that I haven’t spoken about Settlers yet. Settlers of Catan is a game of resource collection, building, trading, and, of course, backstabbing.

Settlers of Catan board game

Each person starts with a settlement and a road. The settlement is at the intersection of three hexagonal tiles, each with resources on them. There are five resources – ore, lumber, wheat, brick, and sheep. There’s also the desert, which people avoid starting adjacent to because it has no practical purpose to neighbor. Each resource tile has a number on it. When that number is rolled, every settlement adjacent to any tile with that number gets the resource specified on that tile.

Resources can be used for many things, namely, building. Building roads, building settlements, building cities…. They can also be used to trade for things you do want, either with other players or with the bank, though usually the deal is better with people. You can also trade them for development cards, which have various perks.

There’s one special number that has only one tile it is present on, and that number is seven. Seven is on the desert. “Why would seven be on the desert?” you ask, “You said the desert is useless.” Yes, yes it is, but it’s resource isn’t. When you roll a seven, you get the robber. Instead of everyone getting something useful, you get to take something useful by placing the robber on a tile and stealing one random card from one player that neighbors that resource. That resource is also blocked, so until the robber is moved again no resources will come out of that tile, even if it’s rolled. I may have gotten in trouble once for blocking a tile that all three of my opponents had settlements near, which proceeded to be rolled by each of the three of them, in turn, before the dice got back to me and I rolled another seven. Whoops.

In the end, the game comes down to who gets the most stuff fastest. Settlements, cities, longest road, largest army, extra point cards… you get the idea. If you’d like to read a comedy piece pointing out the logical flaws of Catan, click here. It mentions some more complicated processes, like Universities, which are from the expansions that I don’t think I’ve played, hence I haven’t mentioned them here.

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Throwing Killer Baby Dinos!

Well, okay, that’s an unlikely result. But it’s what the friends who introduced us to Evo called it. What is Evo, you ask, besides throwing killer baby dinosaurs? Well, it’s a game of dinosaurs trying to survive and reproduce, in an ever-changing climate with new mutations to match, and the unlivable temperatures of each area necessitating migration, and sometimes a fight, to be able to reproduce, and hopefully survive the “survival phase” better known as the “death phase.”

Evo board game

There are a lot of fun parts to this game, but by far my favorite is the mutation phase, because of all the options. What happens with the climate phase, which comes first, is a new climate is arranged, determining which spots are hot, which are cold, which are instant death, and which are safe. Mutations make it easier to survive with a number of possibilities, like an extra pair of legs for more movement, fur to protect from cold, thermal regulation to protect from heat, extra babies to, well, get extra babies… and the special mutations.

Special mutations are a real treat. I honestly haven’t seen most of them, but there are special mutations for increased attack, increased defense, a ton of other awesome things I don’t remember, and the two from which this game got its nickname, Throwing Killer Baby Dinos. The first is called Hard Shelled, which allows the baby dino to be one space away from the parent, as opposed to next to it (usually babies are born in the tile adjacent to their parent). The other, while I don’t know its official name, is, in essence, Killer Baby Dinos, stating that the baby can be born into a space with an enemy dinosaur. Presumably, a fight ensues, though we didn’t actually get that tile during our round. While getting both special mutations to throw Killer Baby Dinos is unlikely, it’s a fun concept!

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Escape Rooms! …Digitally?

Yeah, you read that right. So, as far as I know, I’ve never done a real escape room. I have, however, done plenty of these online ones! A while back I stumbled upon HoodaMath (probably thanks to school friends, but no guarantees on that) and consecutively their entire Escape Games page. My cousins and I obsessed a bit, all three of us hovering around the screen and binge playing them together.

I’m not really going to be comparing this to real escape rooms, since, as I already mentioned, I haven’t really done those. Hence, these will be judged by their own merit and someone else can do a comparison.

There’s always a little bit of plot. Let me start there, because… well, the game starts there. They aren’t just throwing you into the situation; they have a blurb at the beginning explaining why you are where you are and usually some reason for why you can’t get out. You got lost, you stayed too late and the gates are now closed, etc. Not always realistic, but not all of the games are either. Hence, Escape with Hansel and Gretel.

The rest of the game is running around using the green room movement arrows and clicking on things to find clues, helpful objects, and locks of various types that need opening with your smarts and the clues you’ve found (or haven’t yet). They have an impressive variety of things to do and find, and despite the kids’ game animations they’re still difficult for me. In other words, fun!

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Eat This!!!

Or, really, please, please don’t. We need that. You know, for the rest of the game. And hopefully the many to come after. Because throwing burritos at your friends is too much fun to pass up.

Throw Throw Burrito items - 2 squishy burritos, a stack of Burrito Bruises, and a Fear Me token

Yes, you read that right. Throwing burritos. Yes, I’m serious. No, are you crazy? Of course they’re not real burritos! Do you know how much of a mess that would make?

Throw Throw Burrito is a fun speed game that involves collecting sets of crazy cards, and sometimes throwing fake burritos at your friends, in a variety of ways. You can duel with one other (like a good old Western back-to-back, walk, turn and draw), battle between just two, or have an all-out war, giving someone else (hopefully) a Burrito Bruise!

But that’s only if you get three cards of that type and color. Otherwise, you’re collecting other types of cards in groups of three, looking to gain points to become the Burrito Master, to be feared by all. There are no turns, just drawing from your deck and discarding on top of someone else’s, and occasionally drawing from the pool decks. So, you know, points for points and burritos because… throwing stress burritos at people is lots of fun? I mean look at those! They’re adorable and squishy and so much fun to peg Mom with. Repeatedly.

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Fire Boy and Water Girl

“Don’t die. No! No, green mud, jump jump jump…” Game over. This is about how games of Fire Boy and Water Girl go when I’m playing with my best friend. Technically, I’m not sure that it’s supposed to be a two-player game, but that’s how we always played it within our friend group. After all, there are two characters, and it’s easier to each take one than to play two characters doing completely different things at the same time. Then again, sometimes you really don’t want to have to share the controls, especially when it’s your seventh time running that map because someone keeps missing the jump (though realistically, who that someone is varies. It’s been you, too).

See, in this game, Fire Boy is controlled by the arrow keys, and Water Girl is controlled by WASD (try keeping those straight in your head as you try to avoid jumping to your death with two characters at once) and each can only traverse their own elements. If either of them steps in the other’s element, they die. This means that sometimes only one can go in a certain direction. There are also colored gems that only the matching character can retrieve, also suggesting that they should be the one to go in that direction. Green mud kills both, and is the bane of absolutely anyone trying to coordinate a jump on a swinging log so that they both make it across the pit.

You are scored (well, graded, it’s a letter grade) based on how long the round took you, and once you succeed the branching levels from it open up for attempts. I say branching because not all of them have only one track; some have three or more options from which to choose. You can always go back and play the other tracks as well.

Each version of Fire Boy and Water Girl has different systems special to it, like the Light Temple’s mirrors and portals and stuff, but I’ll leave those for you to discover on their own. I usually play it on Cool Math Games (1, 2, 3, 4). There is an official Fire Boy and Water Girl site as well, which is the one I’ll link to hereafter. This one has five versions, in order: The Forest Temple, The Light Temple, The Ice Temple, The Crystal Temple, The Element Temple.

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I can’t get through! There’s a Bearicade!

No, that isn’t misspelled. I really did mean “Bearicade,” not “barricade.” That’s because Mom and I recently played a wonderful card game called Bearicades, about forests and scared prey, and big, scary lumberjacks and equally big and scary predators, but they happen to be playing defense and trying to protect the prey, so they count as the good guys. You know something’s gone really bad to get the predators and the prey to team up!

Bearicades

So there are these cute animals, all innocent and stuff (yeah right, like that snake wasn’t just waiting for a lumberjack to bite!) that are specially grouped into forests. You can choose whether you want to play beginner style by color, or by ring numbers. Each has a special ability, which will be activated as specified on the card (sometimes it’s when the animal runs away, when you Flip the card, or some, like the Salmon, can just be activated whenever).

Then there are the lumberjacks. The active player for the turn (designated by the Frog) draws the top lumberjack and places him in the middle. But of course, no lumberjack lumberjacks by himself, so each lumberjack card lists a certain amount of friends of his who also get drawn. The active player then gets to distribute the lumberjacks between the forests in whatever manner they like, the only rule being that each has to have one.

Then comes the predator phase. There are some really cool predators in the deck, like Cougars, Bats, Foxes, and Angry Bees, but most of the predators are Bearicades. No, not “bears,” “Bearicades,” named as such because they can block a lumberjack, leaving both in play but, at least for the time being, neutralizing the threat. Bearicades also have abilities that can be utilized if they are discarded, depending on the species of Bearicades, including Flipping an animal, forcing lumberjacks to Run Away, or allowing a trade of themselves for another Bearicade in the discard. Other predators can do similar to the latter two, though some allow a switch for any predator in the discard, instead of just Bearicades.

In the sad event that a lumberjack is unstoppable and reaches your forest, you must choose one of your four animals to Run Away as a result. The good news is, the lumberjack follows it over to the discard pile. Some animals also have effects centered around running away, making them the strategic choice, depending on the situation. The bad news is, that animal is out of the game for good, and you only have four of them, so you have to be careful!

Once all of the lumberjacks have been taken care of in some way or another, whether they’re staring down a Bearicade or the back of another lumberjack in the discard, it becomes Night. The player with the Frog draws one Predator for each player still in the game, getting first pick as to which one they want. Each player gets one Predator to add to their hand, and then the Frog passes and the next long day of fighting off the evil forces of humanity begins.

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